Spears charged with hit-run

Singer Britney Spears was charged Friday with misdemeanor hit-and-run and driving a vehicle without a license, authorities said.If convicted, she could face up to a year in jail.

According to prosecutors, on Aug. 6 Spears struck a vehicle in a parking lot at 12800 Ventura Blvd. in Studio City, then drove away.

"The incident was captured on videotape," said Nick Velasquez, a spokesman for the Los Angeles city attorney's office.

The Los Angeles Police Department investigated after the owner of the car made a complaint. Velasquez said an investigation confirmed the driver involved was the singer, and a subsequent check with the California Department of Motor Vehicles showed she has no California license.

Spears was sent a letter Friday informing her of the charges. She is scheduled to be arraigned Oct. 10 in the Van Nuys branch of Los Angeles Superior Court. As the charges are misdemeanors, she won't be required to attend.

In a video of the incident, Spears' Mercedes-Benz convertible is seen grazing a Mercedes station wagon as the pop singer attempts to steer into an empty space. The video seems to show a small dog on Spears' lap. Afterward, Spears is seen apparently inspecting the vehicles.

The charges come three days after a Los Angeles County court commissioner said there was evidence that Spears was "a habitual, frequent and continuous" user of drugs and alcohol, and ordered mandatory, random twice-weekly drug tests.

Commissioner Scott M. Gordon, ruling in a dispute between Spears and her former husband, Kevin Federline, over custody of their two children, also said that the pop star must meet with a parenting coach.

Britney Spears's baby having dental problems

Britney Spears is being slammed over her 2-year-old son Sean Preston's teeth. According to US magazine Sean Preston's teeth look discolored.

“He’s having dental problems because Britney just shoves a bottle of juice in his mouth all the time to stop him from crying,” a family insider told Us Weekly last month. Another source said that, in April, Spears, 25, “asked an L.A. dentist if he would whiten her kid’s teeth!” The dentist refused.
A Spears pal also told Us that the star feeds her children “total crap like Doritos and soda.”

Spears Charged in LA Parking Lot Crash

LOS ANGELES — Britney Spears legal woes mounted Friday as prosecutors charged her with misdemeanor counts of hit and run and driving without a valid license after she allegedly smashed her car into another in a parking lot in August. If convicted, the singer could face up to six months in jail and a $1,000 fine for each count, said Nick Velasquez, spokesman for the city attorney's office.
Messages left with Spears' attorneys were not immediately returned.
The accident occurred Aug. 6, Velasquez said.
Spears, 25, was filmed by paparazzi that day steering her car into another vehicle as she tried to turn into a spot in a Studio City parking lot. After assessing the damage to her own car only, she was shown on paparazzi video walking away.
Three days after the accident, the owner of the other vehicle, Kim Robard-Rifkin, filed a police report, and investigators later determined that Spears does not have a license, officials said.
Robard-Rifkin, a 59-year-old registered nurse, learned it was Spears who had hit her car through a video posted on the celebrity Web site CelebTV.com.
She said she was "sort of amused and sort of shocked" when she learned Spears was the source of the damage, adding that she had expected to hear from the star's camp.
"I simply want my car fixed, the same as I would fix somebody's car if I had done that," Robard-Rifkin told the site in August.
Spears was scheduled to be arraigned Oct. 10, but she is not required to appear.
The case comes days after a court commissioner ordered her to undergo random drug and alcohol testing twice a week in her child custody dispute with ex-husband Kevin Federline. She must also meet eight hours a week with a parenting coach, who will observe and report back to the court about her parenting skills.
Her management firm also recently dropped her, and her performance at this year's MTV Video Music Awards was widely panned. Spears' new album is set for release Nov. 13.

Britney drama queen inks TV deal

A week ago Chris Crocker was the laughing stock of the internet, but he will almost certainly have the last laugh - his nutty diatribe has helped land him his own TV show.
The overtly gay 19-year-old, who lives with his grandmother in Tennessee, posted an emotional video clip on YouTube last week in which he hysterically defended Britney Spears's abysmal performance at the MTV Video Music awards.
As his tears made the mascara run down his face, Crocker cried: "She lost her aunt, she went through a divorce, she had two f---ing kids, her husband turned out to be a user, a cheater, and now she's going through a custody battle. All you people care about is readers and making money off of her. She's a human!"
The clip, reportedly made in Crocker's closet and titled LEAVE BRITNEY ALONE!, has been viewed almost 8 million times. It is the most discussed YouTube video of all time in the entertainment category, and ranks 12th on the list of most viewed entertainment clips.
And now, Hollywood newspaper Variety is reporting that Crocker could be getting his own TV show. He has inked a deal with production company 44 Blue Productions, which plans to create a reality TV show around Crocker and his life as a gay man in a small US town.
"It's going to pretty much be the 'Chris Crocker experience'," Rasha Drachkovitch, the co-founder of the production company, told Variety.
"We consider him a rebel character that people will find interesting. He's going to be a TV star."
Crocker even attracted the attention of some big name stars. The actor Seth Green, who played Doctor Evil's son in Austin Powers, was so inspired he made his own spoof clip.
Swarms of YouTube users have published their own video responses, most ridiculing Crocker.
Regardless, Crocker seems to have only benefited from all of the exposure, which included an appearance, via an online chat program, on US talk show Jimmy Kimmel Live.
But 44 Blue insisted Crocker was on the company's radar even before he became known as the "leave Britney alone drama queen".
His YouTube channel and MySpace page contain more than 60 other videos where Crocker, a self-described "queen of complaint", rants on various topics ranging from individuality to AIDS. However, none of the clips was nearly as popular as his Britney rant.
Crocker now has more than 50,000 subscribers to his YouTube channel and more than 260,000 friends on his MySpace page.

If Britney wants to play ball, she’d better shape up

I find it odd that “M Snider” considers it off limits to critique Britney Spears for being out of shape at her recent VMA performance. Sure, by ordinary standards, she was in decent physical condition, but ordinary people aren’t being paid millions of dollars (re: “Girls not angry for once,” 18 September).
What exactly does Britney do to earn her paycheck? She lip-syncs through her performances, as many of her recent “comeback” shows have displayed. She has choreographers to arrange her dance moves, and all of her songs are co-written with at least one other person. She doesn’t seem to play an instrument, and using her fame for some kind of meaningful advocacy appears to be beyond her ability. Let’s face it: Britney Spears is being paid to look good while all the real work is done by other people.
It’s the same standard of judgment used against all individuals who are paid obscene amounts of money for God-given talents. When sports stars who are paid millions to be the fastest and the strongest let themselves get out of shape, they’re held accountable, and rightfully so.
I see no reasons why Britney Spears deserves to be treated any differently. She stepped back onto the field at the Video Music Awards and couldn’t even keep up with her backup dancers.

Britney Spears' manager has quit.

Jeff Kwatinetz, chief executive officer of management company The Firm, announced he would no longer be representing the troubled singer on Monday, citing "current circumstances" for his decision.
A statement released by The Firm said: "It saddens us to confirm media reports that we have terminated our professional relationship with Britney Spears.
"We have represented Britney for the past month. We believe Britney is enormously talented, and has made a terrific record. But current circumstances have prevented us from properly doing our job.
"We wish Britney the best."
Britney - who split from her long-term manger Larry Rudolph in April this year following her stint in rehab - hired Kwatinetz to help engineer her career comeback.
However, despite initially receiving favourable feedback about her new single 'Gimme More', she failed to impress critics with her disastrous lip-synched performance at the MTV Video Music Awards two weekends ago.
Kwatinetz - who previously represented Kelly Clarkson - was the second person to leave Britney's team on Monday.
Hours earlier, the singer's lawyer Laura Wasser announced she was quitting following a custody hearing concerning Britney's children with husband Kevin Federline, Sean Preston, two, and one-year-old Jayden James.

Spears is addicted to attention, Robyn Riley says

BRITNEY Spears attracts attention like no other celebrity. Whether it be her driving skills, how she mothers her two sons or what she wears, it makes headlines.

The singer knows that. So why did Spears appear at the MTV Video Music Awards at the weekend under-prepared and under-dressed?

Because she is addicted to the attention.

Let's face it, the adoration of millions would be hard to ignore, but these days I think Spears is courting the attention.

Critics slammed her for appearing out of time and out of shape at the awards while miming the words to her new song, Gimme More.

But here is the thing: how did the fans respond? Apparently two million logged on to YouTube to watch a video by a tearful fan called Leave Britney Alone. That is sure to boost sales of the song.

So I am starting to think she is not a silly girl.

Dare I go so far as to call Spears smart? I'll settle for street-smart.

Now, if she can only start using her brains to sort out her personal life, Spears may be on the road to recovery.

Spears passes on apology at Emmys

She put her foot down, y'all!

Britney Spears' camp ended negotiations late last week for the pop star to appear at Sunday's Emmy Awards to offer up a public apology for her VMA performance.

The singer had "no plans to appear at the Emmys," her label told Us Weekly.

But, as of Saturday afternoon, Ryan Seacrest still hadn't lost hope.

"I am willing to give up my monologue, song and interpretive dance for her apology," The Emmy host said.

Spears was criticized last week after she bombed her 'comeback performance' at MTV's awards show.

No word on why anyone thought she should publicly apologize.

American Idol wants to help Britney Spears

"We have decided we can bring Britney back," Idol judge Simon Cowell says in offering to help Spears's career. "We are serious. We plan to buy her underpants, get her bigger shorts to perform in and get her away from her stupid friends."

Paula Abdul says, "We always have time for Britney. We love her."

And Randy Jackson adds: "We'd love to take care of you, Spears! We will make you a superstar again!"

Spears, new single "Gimme More" has entered the Billboard Hot 100 chart at 85.

Britney Spears 'closer to losing custody battle'

BRITNEY spears could lose custody of her two sons within in the next 24 hours thanks to a Los Angeles attorney bringing a "secret" witness to court for the custody battle between the troubled pop star and ex-husband Kevin Federline.

Attorney Gloria Allred last week signed a declaration from a witness, described as a man who has had close observation of Spears's behaviour with her kids, with the court, FOXNews.com.au reported.

The witness, whose declaration has already served as testimony, will appear at the closed hearing case at Los Angeles County Superior Court with Ms Allred at 8.30am ( 11.30pm AEST).

"I am told that the witness could blow Spears's chances of keeping Sean Preston and Jayden James," FOXNews reporter Roger Friedman said.

"The likely observations from the witness concerns drug usage by Spears in her home and in front of her kids."

Ms Allred, who is often embroiled in public cases, has kept the witness's identity a secret to reduce the chances of a publicity war.

"You may or may not recognise him as we walk into court," Ms Allred said.

"He is not famous. He's just someone who's concerned about the kids."

Spears, 25, and Federline, 29, have shared joint custody of the two boys since February.

Federline's attorney Mark Vincent Kapla said he would seek additional custody for Federline because the two boys were "isolated from risks" when with their father.

Britney Spears could lose custody of her kids

Fox News reports in American that the loss of custody is a real possibility, thanks to crusading Los Angeles attorney Gloria Allred.

She is understood to be bringing a secret witness to court overnight Australian time for the custody battle between Spears and ex-husband Kevin Federline.

The likely observations from the witness concern drug usage by Spears in her home and in front of her kids.

Last week, photos of her without underwear were widely disseminated on the Internet. Federlines attorney is sure to mention that in court as well.

Fox reports that last week Allred filed a signed declaration from the witness, described only as a man who's had close observation of Spears' behaviour with her kids.

The judge in the closed hearing case, Commissioner Scott Gordon, has the declaration, and does not have to rule on it.

He can simply read it and enter it into the cases existing papers.

The only way the witness would testify is under cross examination. In other words, the declaration has already served as testimony.

That's not good news for Spears, who just had a disaster on the MTV Video Awards and is also trying to complete an album due in stores on November 13.

Allred, who is often embroiled in very public cases, means business here by the way.

Meanwhile, The Sun newspaper in London reports that if last weeks shambolic MTV performance wasnt embarrassing enough, Spears has been hit by another humiliation.

The troubled singer has been banned from LA's exclusive Chateau Marmont hotel after a string of complaints over her oddball behaviour.

The Sun said the star came under the management spotlight after reports she was acting weird.

And it seems acting weird doesn't begin to describe her latest act of lunacy, which saw Britney stunning fellow diners in the posh hotel restaurant by smearing a plate of top-notch food over her face, reported The Sun.

Horrified guests were understandably outraged and demanded the management kick her out for good.

A source said: "The diners were disgusted. You wouldn't expect that from a teenager in a fast-food joint.

"Royalty have dined in this restaurant. Her behaviour was totally unacceptable."

Britney Spears Settles for $20k Per Month

Kevin Federline will get $20,000 per month from Britney Spears.

According to reports on Friday, Britney Spears has settled with ex-husband Kevin Federline for the sum of $20,000 per month. Spears' reported income is $700,000 a month.

The agreement states that Spears will continue to pay Federline $20k per month until death of either party or if Kevin Federline re-marries.

According to attorney Laura Wasser, Britney Spears has indicated that she is having a tough time dealing with frustration from her custody battle with Kevin Federline, as well as the career bombshell on last week's MTV Video Music Awards.

Wasser stated that Spears' just wants to be a mom, and both kids have a birthday this week. Wasser also said that both Spears and Federline are working together.

Federline's attorney Mark Vincent Kaplan, said that his client was faring well.

When Kaplan was asked whether Britney's recent public appearance was hindering her case, he said, "I don't know what thing you are referring to, and I'm not going to talk about any strategy. I think how she is doing is something for her attorneys to address."

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Britney Spears is not important in music, says Kanye West

Hip-hop superstar Kanye West said he "felt bad" for Britney Spears as she melted down at the MTV Video Music Awards. Spears stunned the audience as she sleepwalked through a disastrous comeback performance, wearing an ill-fitting bikini outfit. "I just felt like she wasn't ready, I felt like they had to get their ratings," Kanye told Ellen DeGeneres. (9/14/2007). Photo Credit:

Washington, Sept 15 (ANI): Rapper Kanye West continued to slam MTV - this time by accusing the network for using Britney Spears to get higher ratings for Video Music Awards.

West claimed that MTV used the 'Toxic' singer in order to get maximum viewer ship.

"I just felt like she wasn't ready and I felt like they had to get their ratings. ... It just shows you it's not a black and white thing; it's a money thing," West told Ellen DeGeneres on her talk show.

"I felt bad for her too. I felt bad for everyone involved," he added.

The rapper also said that the network should have eliminated Spears' performance after watching it in the rehearsals.

"Someone had to be at that practice and be like, 'Wow. This is not good.' All the lip-syncing and everything. I mean, that performance, had it been pulled off perfectly, still wouldn't have been up to par to start off the MTV Awards," West said.

West added that he had warned people at MTV that Spears' inclusion was not a sound idea.

"I told the guy at MTV, 'there's only a couple things important in music this year: Umbrella, Amy Winehouse. It's not just about me. Britney Spears is not important in music, but she's important to the tabloids and stuff like that," West said.

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Britney Spears reached her peak with no where to go

When Britney Spears took to the stage at the MTV Video Music Awards this week, the event's coveted opening slot was supposed to be the ideal launching pad for the singer to kick-start her career after several years away from the charts.
Instead, her startlingly bad performance had many wondering whether it was the final nail in the coffin of a career that has struggled to shake off Spears' recent controversies and reach the heights of her teen-queen heyday.
Spears – wearing sparkling bra and briefs – looked nervous and underprepared while miming her new song Gimme More to a bewildered audience of her music industry peers.
She listlessly walked through the choreography – stumbling at times – and stopped singing altogether, seemingly forgetting the words.
Comedian Sarah Silverman was unforgiving in her comments about the 25-year-old mother-of-two when she took to the stage immediately after Spears' performance.
"Was that incredible? Britney Spears, everyone," Silverman said. "Wow. She is amazing. She is 25 years old and she's already accomplished everything she's going to accomplish in her life. It's mind blowing."
However, fellow music stars were quick to jump to the Toxic starlet's defence, with artists including Rihanna diplomatically giving the show a thumbs up.
The headlines were not so kind, with many US publications focusing their nastiest comments on Spears' body.
The New York Post ran the headline "Lard and Clear", while E Online said "the bulging belly she was flaunting was so not hot".
For many observers, the issue was not so much Spears' body, but her body in that barely-there outfit, which Spears chose at the last moment over the more tame corset she had been scheduled to wear.
US Weekly editor Janice Min says she was surprised to see Spears don such a revealing outfit considering the formerly svelte starlet looked noticeably bigger than in her previous appearances at the awards.
"In that ensemble, you just can't have an ounce of anything extra – many women wouldn't eat for days if they were wearing that," Min says.
Spears' mangled performance was one of the week's biggest stories in America – dominating television news, newspapers, magazines and blogs.
Celebrity gossip blogger Perez Hilton said Spears' three-minute performance was painful to watch.
"Everybody knows Britney lip-syncs, but that's because she dances so much. She barely even danced in this. It was so bad. It was embarrassing," Hilton wrote.
The finger-pointing on who was to blame has continued, with The New York Times yesterday claiming that the singer's record label was reluctant to sign her on to do the show until her lawyer Gary Stiffelman advised otherwise.
Shelley Wade, a DJ at New York City radio station Z100, says the impact the performance would have on Spears' career has yet to be seen
"I just felt like that performance was make or break for her," Wade says.
"Now with the performance, she's just kind of put herself back in the same boat – everybody thinks she's a train wreck."

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Simon Cowell plans to buy Britney Spears underwear

Simon Cowell says he knows how to get Britney Spears’ career back on track following the backlash she’s received after her comeback performance at Sunday’s MTV Video Music Awards (VMAs).

The American Idol and X Factor judge says it would take just a few simple changes to get Spears’ shows sizzling again.

"We plan to buy her underpants, get her bigger shorts to perform in and get her away from her stupid friends," Cowell said.

His fellow judge Paula Abdul added: "We always have time for Britney. We love her." It’s been reported Spears is in talks with Emmy awards producers about another live performance this weekend.

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Britney Spears' lawyer moves to seal docs in custody battle with ex-husband

Britney Spears' lawyer wants to seal all court papers in her custody battle with ex-husband Kevin Federline over their two young children.

Attorney Laura A. Wasser filed a motion Friday asking a Superior Court commissioner to make permanent a conditional July 30 order to seal all documents dealing with custody. It was filed in response to a motion by a magazine and TV station to unseal some of the papers.

"This is the perfect instance to stop the madness," Wasser said in court. "No one could have contemplated the plethora of media activity."

Commissioner Scott Gordon heard arguments Friday, but put off ruling on the issue until a scheduled Monday hearing.

Representing People magazine and KNBC-TV, lawyer Alonzo Wickers sought to unseal some documents in the case. He cited a pair of cases that he said show not all family law documents, even those involving child custody, need be kept entirely private.

"No statute says custody-related documents should be broadly sealed," Wickers said.
Messages left Friday for Wasser and Wickers were not immediately returned.

Gordon said he will issue a written ruling Monday, the day of a hearing on Federline's request to gain a bigger share of custody of the couple's two children, 23-month-old Sean Preston and 11-month-old Jayden James.

Spears, 25, and Federline, 29, have shared joint custody of the two boys since February.
Federline's attorney Mark Vincent Kaplan has said he will seek additional custody for Federline because the two boys are "isolated from risks" when they are with their father.

Kaplan supported Wasser in seeking to seal the custody documents.

Spears married Federline in October 2004, eight months after her first marriage to childhood friend Jason Alexander was annulled. She cited irreconcilable differences when she filed for divorce from Federline on Nov. 7, 2006.

The couple's divorce became official July 30.

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Britney Spears Going To The Emmy’s

Apparently Britney Spears is not going to let one lousy performance keep her down. It has been

reported that Britney might get back on stage as soon as Sunday for the Emmy’s.

According to an Emmy source Britney is in negotiations to go to the Emmy’s. The idea is to have her come on and apologize for the VMAs.

A source close to Britney has said that “I can’t say this is 100 percent not true. All I can say is that the Emmy people aren’t dealing with her record company, her manager or her agents at William Morris.”

What do you think will appearing at the Emmy’s on Sunday help her with her come back or will she mess up again?

Will Britney Spears Apologize at the Emmys?

Sources are reporting to US Weekly that we could be witnessing another Britney Spears sighting much sooner than we had expected. The honchos at FOX are apparently talking to Brit’s peeps about a possible Emmys appearance. It wouldn’t be an opportunity for her to redo what she forgot to learn last week, rather it would give her a chance to apologize for her disastrous VMA performance. That would make two Britney-filled Sundays in a row. Woo hoo!

While I’m seriously doubting Spears will be able to weather large crowds anytime soon (let alone speak without backup vocals), I’m sure the rumors of a surprise appearance would be enough to make the ratings-hungry producers happy.

Coincidentally, Kanye West is also scheduled to perform in Sunday’s telecast (he’ll be part of some ‘skit’ based on the music competition shows). So will Kanye now be ranting that he and Spears were exploited by FOX? We should be so lucky!

Britney Spears took anti-depressants minutes before VMA show

Britney Spears took anti-depressants just minutes before her critically-slated performance at the MTV Video Music Awards, following an argument with her hairstylist.

The troubled pop tart went into “blind panic” after hating the hair-do her stylist had chosen for her big comeback performance, it’s been reported.

A doctor was sent to the Palms Casino resort to prescribe Spears drugs, The Sun says.

"Britney took enough to floor an elephant,” a source told the newspaper. “They calmed her down, but were clearly too effective."

"The scene in the dressing room before the show was one of absolute blind panic.

"She knew she hadn't rehearsed enough and was going to mess up the whole show and possibly her career - then she saw her hair-do and it was the final straw.

"She went into a wild rage and started lashing out at everyone - including her stylist."

Britney Spears Vagina Found On Sarah Silverman's Face

Everyone viewing and attending the recent MTV Video Music Awards were aghast at the lackluster performance turned in by America's sweetheart, Britney Spears. Spears looked less like a pop princess and more like a pooped princess, a zombie from the undead sporting a dazed, glazed, confused look in her eyes, Frankenstienesque dance style moves, indecisive footwork at best, a career killing anti-performance at worst.

People who didn't see the show are wondering,, how did Britney look???? Well, have you ever seen 10 pounds of potatoes stuffed into a five pound bag, five gallons of gas poured into a overflowing one quart container, visualize Rosanne Barr in spandex.

Many in the audience attributed the pathetically inane performance to Las Vegas partying and too little rehersal and preparation on Britney's part. The appearance was being touted as Spears' big comeback effort. All in attendance agreed, there was no big effort in this comeback.

This reporter has dug into the Spears' camp and has come up with the following inside information.

Spears had taken allergy medication that left her woozy. Britney's heel broke at the beginning of her performance leaving her incapacitated as far as dancing goes. Mercury was in retrograde, land sharks kicked in her front door, she farted, she had hammer toes and finally, at the beginning of the show it was blatantly obvious Sarah Silverman had borrowed Britney's vagina and pasted it on her face to do a comedy bit about Britney's children.

Britney stormed off the show after Silverman's harsh comments and ran to a nearby porta potty, locking herself in for the duration. One paparazzi got this picture of the outhouse Britney locked herself in, (see picture), if you look closely you can see a tuft of Britneys hair stuck in the door. Spears refused to vacate the potty, after much deliberation and confusion, the porta potty was forklifted onto a truck and transported to the grounds of Britney's Malibu estate. There the outhouse was deposited in the front lawn of the mansion.

One porta potty maintence man said, "damn, that outhouse had to be pretty ripe, enough to gag a maggot, it was one of the public ones, a big stinker, Brits got a strong stomach."

As of now, as far as anyone knows, she is still devistated, locked in the
putrid, zesty smelling outhouse on the front lawn of her Malibu estate.

Insiders speculate, it's nearly impossible for a poop princess to turn in a great performance without her most bankable asset functioning and attached to her body.

Looks like Sarah totally took herself off Britney's Christmas card list.

Petraeus on Britney

Thank you Jive Records, MTV, Clear Channel and members of Congress for the opportunity to present my assessment of Britney Spears' career. Which, according to nearly every objective metric, is going completely, totally awesome.

Sure, progress made over the last few months has been uneven -- the number of Star magazine "not normal" incidents is still disturbingly high -- but we are hitting most of our major benchmarks. To wit, not only has there not been one single divorce this year, there also haven't been any marriages, significantly curtailing the assessed threat of divorce.

In recent months, despite brutal summer heat, we have achieved progress in the underwear-wearing arena. Shoe wearing in public bathrooms is up 38%, while T-shirt messages with the phrase "baby daddy" are down 46%. Hair regrowth objectives are being met, and recent advances in wig and hair extension technology have proved surprisingly effective. Conducting sensitive negotiations directly in the field, we have been increasingly able to get Ms. Spears to wear just the blond wig instead of switching between the black and blond ones, which has provided a force-multiplier effect on public credibility.

While Ms. Spears' weight is not yet at pre-Federline levels, we think we will be able to achieve minimum BMI by next spring. We have gained the initiative on Ms. Spears' McDonald's consumption by wresting fast-food eating sanctuaries -- most notably the automatic windows lock on her SUV -- from her control. I'd also like to direct you to this chart, showing the 99 billion served meals not consumed by Ms. Spears.

As shown by this other chart, public approval of Ms. Spears is up roughly 1 trillion percent over this time last year, though to properly explain the methodology would require one of those nerdy laser-pointer thingies Al Gore uses, so you'll just have to trust me.

The recent performance at the MTV Video Music Awards vastly exceeded initial projections of awesomeness. Not only did the few dancing moves she executed get her heart rate up to 145 -- prime fat-burning range -- but Ms. Spears did not fall or cry. Though the time lapse between recorded music and lip sync was off by an average of 2.5 seconds, this was a vast improvement over the House of Blues tour, where the average was actually forever, because she didn't know the words to her new song. Though she still hasn't memorized the lyrics -- which, for the record, are "gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme" -- she now mouths other words in its place, some of which clearly do involve giving her things.

Tabloid magazine covers are down 22% in six of the last eight weeks, the lowest level since the New Year's Eve party collapse, thanks largely to our Brangelina rumors propaganda. Other successes include disruption of sex-tape distribution, containment of make-out sessions with female friends to above-the-neck contact, and the quick resolution of the incident in which Ms. Spears attacked a photographer's SUV with an umbrella, thanks to our well-executed giant fan maneuver creating a "Mary Poppins effect" that the mainstream media has under-covered. To put this all in perspective, if Ms. Spears were a movie, and that movie was "The Bourne Ultimatum," then Ms. Spears would have grossed $210 million.

Improvement of Ms. Spears' parenting skills has been substantial, as evidenced by the fact that 100% of her children are alive. Neither has been dangled over a railing or placed near a crocodile. One has already been weaned off soda and is now eating solid candy bars. Secondhand smoke is 88% tar-reduced, exactly on target.

We have launched a series of offensive operations, many involving Paris Hilton, aimed at neutralizing senior-level suitors, including Stavros Niarchos, Travis Barker, Brandon Davis, Wilmer Valderrama, Zsa Zsa Gabor's husband, three backup dancers and, in a particularly dangerous maneuver in Las Vegas in which Ms. Spears sustained limited tongue damage, a naked Italian man who turned out to be an ice sculpture.

In describing the recommendations I have made, I should note again that I believe Ms. Spears' problems will require a long-term effort, like 40 to 45 years. I suggest we continue doing the same exact thing we have been doing thus far: skimpy outfits, gyrations, mindless techno music with lyrics implying extreme horniness. By the time Ms. Spears is 65 or 70, this strategy should work perfectly.

The important thing to remember is that to secure our national interests, we need Britney Spears. If Al Qaeda knew it had the power to destroy our former teen pop stars, it would feel empowered to mess with Zac Efron's Facebook profile, or expose the real identity of Hannah Montana

Britney: Down for the Count?

Britney Spears has been called many things throughout her topsy-turvy career: Grammy winner. Teen idol. Pop tart. Trailer trash. But you'd be hard-pressed to find anybody who's ever referred to her as a comedian. And yet, when the 25-year-old pop star took the stage at the Palms Casino Resort in Las Vegas to kick off her much-touted comeback on the 24th annual MTV Video Music Awards, she left an entire battalion of music insiders and MTV employees in stitches as they watched on the monitors backstage. From the opening shot (a jarring close-up of her poorly manufactured, bleach-blond weave) to the final flourish (a halfhearted ''Thank you'' and a speedy dash from the stage), Spears left them gasping for air — and for all the wrong reasons. What was billed as the music world's biggest, most anticipated performance in months quickly turned into a dismal display of everything that's gone wrong for Spears in recent years. And it raises numerous questions about whether the embattled singer — who until the VMAs was riding a positive wave of press thanks to ''Gimme More,'' the well-received first single from her next album, out Nov. 13 — can ever recover from what's become a very familiar situation.

The pop star has always commanded a committed (if quixotic) fan base who lap up her every move, and rightfully so: Her singing voice may be reed-thin, but when she's at the top of her game, Spears is an electrifying performer who oozes a provocative blend of sexuality and silliness. But that Britney — the one who blitzkrieged VMAs past with partners as varied as a python and Madonna — was a distant memory on Sept. 9, as she wobbled on stage and gave what was, by all accounts, the worst public performance of her career. ''Everyone was stunned,'' says a music-industry exec who was seated in the audience, where pretty much nobody was laughing. ''We couldn't believe what was happening right in front of our eyes.'' Indeed, if the goal was to grab headlines, Spears succeeded; if the goal was to revive a recording and performing career that's been pretty dormant since her last studio effort, 2003's In the Zone, she seems to have failed miserably.

So who's to blame here? By all accounts, Britney simply didn't have the desire to pull off a performance that would wow the crowd, and the rumors started flying right after her Vegas crapshoot: Britney stayed out late partying all weekend long; Britney chose that ill-fitting bikini in lieu of a more demure corset; Britney fell out with illusionist Criss Angel because she wasn't committed to their planned onstage collaboration; Britney arrived two hours late to her rehearsal, frozen margarita in hand. (All true, according to sources close to the ceremony.) Another person who was present for rehearsals said Spears ''seemed sort of lethargic'' and that ''there was no energy'' in her dance moves. And immediately following her lackluster act, a group of record-label execs and handlers surrounded her dressing-room door backstage, almost as if to shield her from the oncoming onslaught of bad press.

Spears Holds Emergency Meeting with Federline

Britney Spears has held an emergency meeting with her ex-husband Kevin Federline in a bid to resolve custody issues over their children, according to reports.
The singer organized the meeting with Federline and his lawyer Mark Vincent Kaplan on Wednesday, their son Jayden's first birthday.

They arrived separately at the Century City, Calif., offices of Spears' lawyer Laura Wasser, just five days before they are due to face each other before a family court judge on Monday.

However, the meeting didn't go as planned -- Federline turned down the star's proposals.
A source says, "Britney asked for (the meeting). She wants to put an end to this public debacle.
"However, Kevin (has) refused. He needs more money so he's determined to win this."

But a source close to Federline tells People.com, "He's not going for additional child support in the court papers that were filed. It's not about the money."

Federline currently receives $20,000 a month from Spears, but has "no net income after business expenses," according to court documents released on August 30.

Breaking! Spears & Federline Come Together!

Fresh off the stilettos of her ho-hum comeback on MTV, it appears Ms. Britney Spears is trying to work out some legal stuff with ex-hubby Kevin Federline.

A source tells me Spears and Federline may be meeting—right now!—at the Los Angeles offices of Spears' attorney, Laura Wasser.

Federline is seeking primary custody of their two kids, Sean Preston and Jayden James.

Buzz around the building has it that the two arrived separately about an hour ago. Federline was spotted entering through the main lobby, while Spears apparently took a more private path through a side entrance.

I'm told they agreed to meet in an attempt to avoid attending a court hearing scheduled for this coming Monday.

Coincidentally, Jayden turns one today, with big bro Sean to follow on Friday!

Happy birthday, J.J.!

Beyonce tops People fashion list, Britney's a bomb

NEW YORK: R&B singer Beyonce took top honors in a list of best-dressed celebrities of 2007, while bald Britney Spears won the booby prize for most shocking style moment after shaving her head.

People magazine's annual best- and worst- dressed issue hits newsstands on Friday featuring numerous Hollywood stars, all given a nickname to describe their taste in couture.

Beyonce, 26, was dubbed "The Showstopper," while actress Cameron Diaz walked into the top 10 as "The Legs," and actress Katie Holmes, who is married to Tom Cruise, graced the list as "The Classic."

"Beyonce just looks amazing every time she goes out," assistant managing editor Cynthia Sanz told Reuters. "She likes to show off her curves and she is very glamorous."

Beyonce has her own fashion line, "House of Dereon," that mixes hip hop influences with feminine touches like lace and ruffles that she launched with her mother, stylist Tina Knowles, in 2004.

Last year former Friends actress Jennifer Aniston topped the list after a reader's vote, but this year the magazine did not seek readers' input. Instead, the magazine's editors drew up the list without giving the 10 winners rankings.

Other women in the top 10 included Penelope Cruz, Jessica Biel, Drew Barrymore, Jennifer Lopez, Reese Witherspoon, Gwen Stefani and Ali Larter.

For the men last year, singer Justin Timberlake was named "Trendiest," and praise went to British soccer star David Beckham, who recently moved with wife Victoria to Los Angeles.

This year Beckham again made the list, alongside Terrence Howard, Johnny Depp, Brad Pitt and George Clooney.

BECKHAMS WIN STYLE PRAISE

But there were also the worst fashions of the year as People's editors took issue with celebrities' sense of style.

Spears' decision to shave her head after a spree of partying and stints in rehab following her collapsed marriage put her at the top of the list of worst style moments.

The award comes just days after the former pop princess, who is trying to stage a comeback, drew howls from critics for her performance at the MTV Video Music Awards where her outfit resembled that of a stripper and she barely danced.

"She's had a bad year with shaving her head and all her bad fashion choices that followed that - the wigs, the hats," said Sanz. "She really seems to be having a meltdown."

Also among the worst styles were American Idol contestant Sanjaya piling his hair high for the hit TV talent show, and Cameron Diaz offending Peruvians with her handbag that had a political slogan of Chinese Communist leader Mao Zedong.

In a special "British Accent" section, People paid tribute to British celebrities taking America by storm, recognizing Victoria Beckham, model Kate Moss, singer Lily Allen, Prince William's girlfriend Kate Middleton and actress Emma Watson.

"It has been a big year for the Brits with a lot of influence coming over here," said Sanz. "You can't help but look at what the Beckhams are doing and wearing, but you are not really sure why."

Britney Spears: I Looked Like Fat Pig at MTV Awards Show

Pop princess Britney Spears was reportedly "inconsolable" after watching her widely criticized comeback performance at the MTV Video Music Awards in Las Vegas Sunday night.

"She was able to see video of herself throughout the auditorium. She flipped out. She came running off the stage, yelling, "Oh, my God, I looked like a fat pig!" She was inconsolable," a backstage source told US Weekly.

The embattled star gave her first major performance in three years, presenting her new single "Gimme More", dressed in a sparkly bra and black bikini.

The show followed a troubled 12 months, during which she was admitted to rehab after shaving her head in public, following the collapse of her second marriage.

Spears put her music career on hold in 2004 when she married Kevin Federline and gave birth to two children.

Last month the pair completed their divorce, but are still facing a battle for custody of their sons, Sean Preston and Jayden James.

Madonna and Britney Spears Get Decapitation Threat

Tuvalu,About to Disappear,Pleas on Global Warming France Considers Step Back Into Full NATO Embrace Somali Govt Dismisses Opposition Alliance Davydenko Dumped Out of China Open Kosovo Election Boycott Means Partition UK, Italy Weight Eurofighter Options Thailand to Ask Britain to Extradite Ex-PM Thaksin Gwen Stefani Obssesed With Designer Baby Clothes Ashlee Simpson Caught Up in a Mass Brawl Fergie Defends Britney and Lindsay Tsunami Warning After Quake in Indonesia, Sulawesi Madonna and Britney Spears Get Decapitation Threat Dutch Set Philippine Communist Rebel Sison Free Test to Show if UK Foot and Mouth Strains the Same India`s Left Issues Blunt Threat Over Nuclear Deal

Gwen Stefani Obssesed With Designer Baby Clothes Ashlee Simpson Caught Up in a Mass Brawl Fergie Defends Britney and Lindsay Madonna and Britney Spears Get Decapitation Threat I Looked Like a Fat Pig – Britney

Madonna and Britney Spears will have their "heads cut off" if they continue to spread "Satanic culture", Muslim terrorist leaders have warned.

Muhammad Abdel-Al, spokesman and senior leader of Palestinian terror group the Popular Resistance Committees, warns the two pop superstars face death unless they change their evil ways, which includes acting like "prostitutes" to sell records.

In new book, 'Schmoozing with Terrorists: From Hollywood to the Holy Land Jihadists Reveal their Global Plans - to a Jew!', Abdel-Al rages: "If I meet these whores I will have the honour - I repeat, I will have the honour - to be the first one to cut the heads off Madonna and Britney Spears if they
will keep spreading their satanic culture against Islam."

The organisation, which is mainly based in the Gaza Strip, is responsible for carrying out countless rocket attacks, shootings and bombings against Jews.

The chilling threat has been made as Madonna and her husband Guy Ritchie prepare to celebrate the Jewish New Year with around 2,000 other Kabbalah followers in Israel.

Abdel-Al insists he will give Madonna and Britney the chance to save their lives by converting to Islam, but if they refuse they will be executed.

He added: "If these two prostitutes keep doing what they are doing, we of course will punish them. First we will call them to join Islam. But if they keep what they are doing... we can stone them or kill them as we see fit if they keep tempting men in order to put them far from Islam. A prostitute
woman must be stoned or must be hit eighty times with a belt.

"They are deliberately spreading this culture as part of the Americans' war against Islam."

In the shocking book - penned by author Aaron Klein - several Muslim extremists were asked to describe what the US would be like if Islamic Sharia law was imposed.

FERGIE BLASTS BRITNEY SPEARS' CRITICS

Singer FERGIE has blasted BRITNEY SPEARS' critics following her lacklustre performance at the MTV Video Music Awards, insisting they should leave her alone. The Black Eyed Peas star believes Spears and her troubled actress pal Lindsay Lohan are still a vulnerable target for the media despite trying to seek help for their troubles. She says, "They're young. Leave them alone. If they want to get better, they're going to get better on their own. If somebody is going to change, they have to want to do it themselves. "I think it is really unfair to them when they are trying to get help. We're all watching as a nation and commenting day by day on their rehabilitation. It's not fair. You're supposed to have a sanctuary, a place where you can go and not be pressured every day." Spears and Lohan have both spent time in rehab.

Britney 'broke down' after MTV Awards

According to a report by columnist Richard Johnson in the New York Post, Britney's "comeback" performance of her new single Gimme More at the MTV Video Music Awards on Sunday night was plagued by drama.

Britney has been rocked by criticism since the show, with reviewers saying she was unfit, overweight, unprepared, out of time with her dancers, lacking charisma and couldn't even mime properly.

The Post report said there were multiple problems in the build-up to the performance. Britney refused to wear MTV's clothes, didn't rehearse properly and had been drinking frozen margaritas just before going on stage, the paper alleged.

"MTV wanted her to wear a corset outfit," a source told the paper. "It would have looked great and covered a lot of things up, but she hated it and didn't think it was sexy enough."

Britney also didn't rehearse properly, and her team of dancers wrote off the more complicated moves to choose simpler routines.

"She didn't even get to Las Vegas until 4.30pm," the newspaper's source said.

"It was ridiculous ... The production people at MTV were freaking out ... Nobody can tell Britney what to do anymore. No one can control her. She is a mess."

After the performance Britney allegedly broke down in tears, but consoled herself by partying till 3am. She was later photographed by paparazzi without underwear on.

Others reports suggested Britney had a fight with her hair stylist just hours before the show.
Entertainment wire Bang! Showbiz suggested the Toxic singer had flown the hairdresser from Los Angeles to Las Vegas to tend to her locks for a whopping $US10,000.

After a disagreement about whether her hair should be blonde or brunette for the performance - during which Britney allegedly shouted "It's my money and I'll do what I want" - the furious stylist cut up all the hair extensions Britney was planning to wear for the show.

Another source claimed one of Britney's stiletto heels broke during the performance, meaning she could not gyrate properly.

Pop stars Rihanna, Beyonce and Justin Timberlake were the big winners at the MTV Awards, an annual event held each year to celebrate the pop music industry.

Here's how Britney ruined her comeback

New York, Sept 11 Britney Spears has herself to blame for her universally panned performance at the MTV Video Music Awards, for instead of practicing for what was supposed to mark her comeback to the music biz, she spent time doing exactly the opposite.

A source reveals that Britney started of the sorry chain of events a day before the VMAs when she arrived almost three-and-a-half hours late for rehearsal, refused to try out the more complicated dance moves, and changed the outfit she was supposed to wear.

"She didn't even get to Las Vegas until 4:30 p.m. It was ridiculous . . . The production people at MTV were freaking out . . . Nobody can tell Britney what to do anymore. No one can control her. She is a mess," the New York Post quoted the source, as saying.

"She went to her hotel room and ordered a bunch of food and some frozen margaritas. She came down, like, an hour later with a frozen margarita in her hand.

Things only got worse when Britney after finally showing up for rehearsal, couldn't manage the complicated dance moves, and therefore had them scrapped.

"The dance number was spectacular - without her. When the stand-in was rehearsing with the dancers, in the hours they were all waiting for her, it was amazing," the source said.

"Then Britney showed up and refused to do anything. The dancers were supposed to lift and twirl her in the air a few times, and that just wasn't going to happen. The more complicated dance moves had to be erased because she couldn't do them."

The drama continued when it came to her choice of outfit.

"MTV wanted her to wear a corset outfit. It would have looked great and covered a lot of things up, but she hated it and didn't think it was sexy enough," the insider says.

Instead, Britney decided to wear a spangly bra-and-underwear outfit she'd brought with her that emphasized her weight gain.

Another insider reveals that MTV execs weren't the only ones worried about Spears' ways.
"The dancers were texting pals, asking them to pray for them. They were worried."

And though Britney is said to have broken down in tears after the deplorable performance, she certainly didn't let it stop her from partying till 3 a.m.

Britney Spears Caught Out Panty-less... Again

Britney Spears has shocked again, flashing her panty-less private parts at a paparazzi photographer after her performance at Sunday night's MTV Video Music Awards.
Spears exposed herself while stepping into an awaiting limousine after leaving Las Vegas' Bellagio hotel, where she partied with brother Bryan after her embarrassing awards show performance.

And while she was mocked for hitting the VMAs stage in just her undies, she made headlines for taking them off later - when she was caught without her pants by a WENN photographer.
It's not the first time Spears has been caught without underwear - in November last year Britney revealed all to a photographer during a night out with party pal Paris Hilton, just two months after giving birth to her second child Jayden James.

Spears' gaffe came just hours after she disappointed the VMA audience with a disjointed and critically panned comeback performance of her new single Gimme More - her first major public appearance in four years.

A bystander tells WENN, "What is she thinking? She's a mother of two and here she is flashing her goods to the world!"

Britney Spears earns scorn after her performance

Britney Spears launched her highly anticipated comeback at the MTV Video Music Awards during the weekend, drawing ridicule by dressing up as a stripper and miming her new single. The 25-year-old singer, whose professional achievements have been overshadowed by her personal crises in recent years, performed Gimme More in a black sequined bikini and knee-high boots.

'Britney Spears' MTV comeback a big letdown

Britney Spears made her comeback at the MTV Video Music Awards in Las Vegas last night, but dressing in a stripper-like outfit and miming her new single she failed to impress.
Spears performed her new single 'Gimme More' in a black sequined bikini and knee-high boots.
Reuters reported that she moved "sluggishly around the stage", "often with the support of a troupe of dancers" at the Palms casino.
The 25-year-old singer, said Reuters, is "no longer boasting the buff body that helped drive her to international superstardom almost a decade ago".
Speaking to Reuters, gossip columnist Perez Hilton said of Spears: "She blew it. Everybody knows Britney lip-syncs, but that's because she dances so much. She barely even danced in this."
Hilton continued: "It was so bad. It was painful. It was embarrassing. And I loved it!"
During a performance on Saturday night, rapper Kanye West said of Spears: "I can't believe she would perform. She hasn't had a hit record in years."
Spears' new album is due out in November.

Vanessa Hudgens, Lindsay Lohan & Britney Spears-Common Tie Is Disney!

If you look at the lives of Vanessa Hudgens, Lindsay Lohan and Britney Spears, there is a common tie ... and that tie is Disney, early in each of their lives.

In Vanessa Hudgen's case, now 18, Vanessa's first serious roles came to her as Gabriella Montez, from Disney beginning in 2006 in "High School Musical," following with the 2007 release of "High School Musical 2".

Currently, Vanessa is still negotiating with Disney for another deal with "High School Musical 3," even after her highly published nude photos have hit the web!

Moving to Britney Spears, now 25, Brit first had contact with Disney at 8 years old, when she applied to Disney for a spot on the "Mickey Mouse Club," but was deemed too young. Britney continued in her quest for fame and was finally accepted for the Mickey Club, at the age of 11, where she remained for two years, before seeking bigger and better things.

Now, Britney, a divorced mother of two, has had a slew of nude photos picked up on the web, not to mention an alleged sex-tape with her now ex-hubby, Kevin Federline, has been accused of child abuse and is fighting for a comeback of her once accomplished pop-diva status.

Finally, there's Lindsay, now 21, who had success with Disney on several occasions, beginning at age 11 with the remake of "The Parent Trap," where LiLo portrayed both twins, Hallie Parker and Annie James. In 2002, Lindsay once again hooked up with Disney in her role as Lexi Gold in "Get a Clue." Once again in 2005, Lindsay and Disney got together for "Herbie Fully Loaded" where she played Margaret "Maggie" Peyton.

A Bleary Britney Spears Kicks Off MTV Awards

An out-of-shape, out-of-touch Britney Spears delivered what was destined to be the most talked about performance of the MTV Video Music Awards — but for all the wrong reasons. Kicking off the show Sunday night with her new single, "Gimme More," Spears looked bleary and unprepared — much like her recent tabloid exploits on the streets of Los Angeles.

She lazily walked through her dance moves with little enthusiasm. It appeared she had forgotten the entire art of lip-synching; and, perhaps most unforgivable given her once taut frame, she looked embarrassingly out of shape.

Even the celebrity-studded audience seemed bewildered. 50 Cent looked at Spears with a confused expression; Diddy, her new best friend, was expressionless.
Some comeback.

The VMAs was hoping to reinvent itself on Sunday. After suffering poor reviews and a decline in ratings over the last few years, MTV moved the show to Las Vegas' Palms Casino, shortened the show from three hours to two, and changed the show's setup to focus more on performances than awards.

To that end, Justin Timberlake and Timbaland, Kanye West, Fall Out Boy and the Foo Fighters were each hosting four separate suite parties, where much of the show's performances would be held.

Timberlake's suite was packed with revelers, alcohol and eight lingerie-clad stripper types on raised platforms. Before he accepted the Quadruple Threat of the Year award at his suite, the DJ summoned the partygoers to watch the monitor and go crazy if Timberlake won.
He did, they did, and Timberlake said: "I want to challenge MTV to play more videos!" Then he was whisked away by bodyguards and disappeared.

Meanwhile, Rihanna won Monster Single of the Year for her ubiquitous hit "Umbrella," and Beyonce and Shakira won Most Earthshattering Collaboration for "Beautiful Liar."
Other performers were appearing on the show's main stage, in front of an industry-only audience seated at tables, like at the Golden Globes.

The Palms' casino floor, already glittering with slot machines and blinking lights, was transformed into a dazzling red carpet, as the likes of Jennifer Hudson, Kid Rock, Paris Hilton, Jennifer Garner and a newly blond Nelly Furtado were among those who posed for the cameras.
And Nicole Scherzinger, making her solo debut from the Pussycat Dolls, gave a performance for the gawking fans, performing her new single with the rapper Lil' Wayne.

While Spears' performance was a showcase, others were delivered in snippets: Akon crooned a bit of his "Smack That" before an award was announced, while the cameras zoomed in on performances from Fall Out Boy and the Foo Fighters mid-performance in their suites, giving viewers the sense that they had happened upon an intimate concert.

Britney Spears Cleared Of Child Abuse Claims

Troubled pop-tart Britney Spears has been cleared of all allegations of child abuse in her bitter custody battle with ex-husband Kevin Federline.

According to reports the Toxic star was under investigation by the Los Angeles County Department of Child and Family Services (DCFS) concerning her parenting skills involving her two children Sean Preston and Jayden James.

The investigation took place after an anonymous complaint was filed with the authorities in July 2007.

The court papers alleged that Spears’ two children had poor dental hygiene and bad eating and sleeping habits, as a direct result of Britney’s lack of parenting skills.

But the 25-year-old’s lawyer, Laura Wasser, announced on Tuesday (September 4) that the child abuse claims are no longer an issue in her battle for primary custody of her two sons.

"It does not appear the county will pursue any action at this time" said Wasser.

Neither party knows who lodged the child abuse complaint, but Brit's lawyer added: "I'm trying to find out."

Spears and Federline's divorce was finalised in July 2007 with both parties agreeing to joint custody of the boys. However, the failed rapper is now seeking full custody of his two boys following Britney’s extreme public behaviour.

The Britney Spears comeback is here

It always amuses me when I watch entertainment news shows that use old footage of Britney Spears when reporting about her latest embarrassing snafu. Am I supposed to believe that Britney is still single and 100 pounds with long blonde hair?
Watching, what we now call “Old Britney," followed by footage of “Crazy Britney” attacking paparazzi, is actually kind of depressing.
It was only a few years ago that my part-Chinese, part-Filipinia college roommate had declared to me that she’d die to be Britney Spears.
“Every girl wants to be Britney Spears,” she said so matter-of-factly to me one night. I scoffed at her because I didn’t want to agree with what seemed like such a delusional statement — even if it was true. We were college students writing research papers on Leonard Bernstein and analyzing British literature. Britney belonged on my 12-year-old cousin’s pink, glossy bedroom walls.
But secretly, in the back of my mind, my roommate’s declaration rang true for me as well. Britney Spears had it all — the look, music and the following. She was practically the new Madonna. How could you not want to be her?
You didn’t have to be a fan of her music to be taken with her. She was a young, blonde, attractive woman that seemed to be oblivious to the world around her. Her life consisted of getting her makeup done and dancing. It was interesting to watch her grow from teenybopper to full-fledged babe.
Who knew that six years later, the role model we all once knew would become a real person? Who knew that “Poor Britney” is the phrase you’d hear from most fans?
When an artist plummets to the bottom from such great heights of popularity before your eyes, you can’t help but feel sorry for the poor girl. And the image of her sloppily stepping out of her car, allowing the entire world to know she wears no underwear, begs the question: Will she ever recover?
The woman is in a custody battle with her ex-husband, had a nervous breakdown at a tattoo parlor and has been in and out of rehab twice. As a result, Adriana Lima graces my 12-year-old cousin’s pink, glimmery MySpace page. Recovery doesn’t seem likely.
What would a successful comeback consist of anyway? Would she undergo a complete reinvention and start her career over again? Or would she attempt to try and keep what’s left of her fan base?
Thursday night was the beginning of Britney’s long-awaited return everyone has been waiting for. She released “Gimme More,” rumored to be the first single off her first studio album in four years and is also rumored to be opening the MTV Video Music Awards.
But judging from her new material, the possibility of Britney recovering is slim. “Gimme More” is a sexy dance hit that’s sure to get played in clubs, but it’s not the monster hit we’ve come to appreciate from the likes of Beyonce and Rihanna.
She’s rumored to have turned down opportunities to work with hitmakers, Ne-Yo (responsible for Beyonce’s “Irreplaceable”) and Justin Timberlake and Timbaland. Many have criticized her for it.
Only her appearance at the VMAs will tell whether Spears will attain the popularity she once had. I know I’ll be tuning in September 9.

Report says Britney to do two songs at VMAs

LOS ANGELES - Britney Spears will perform at the MTV Video Music Awards on Sunday, according to USA Today.

The newspaper reports the pop singer is set to perform two tracks — “Gimme More” and a song called “Cry.”

A Spears dancer named Ruben Dario confirms magician and “Mind Freak” Criss Angel will help Britney’s performance out. She will use mirrors, which will help the star to disappear and appear.

Britney’s new track, “Gimme More,” premiered for the first time on radio last week. It is expected to be featured on her first new album of original material in four years, which is due Nov. 13.

Britney Spears is digging out the dirt on Kevin Federline

Britney Spears is prepared to fight back against ex-husband Kevin Federline. Spears is digging out the dirt on Federline.

Britney accuses the K-fed of partying throughout her pregnancies and trying to sell a sleazy sex tape of the pair.

“It’s not just Kevin’s partying and gambling, there are all sorts of things she thinks lawyers should know about,” a Brit source tells the British rags.

“She may not be Snow White, but she is determined to show he is no knight in shining armor either.”

This is Britney's future, 'More' or less

The next two weeks could be a make-it-or-break-it chapter for Britney Spears. With Friday's release of her single Gimme More from her album due Nov. 13 and her weekend appearance to open the LAX club in Las Vegas, the beleaguered pop star is juggling some vital dates in both career and family affairs. USA TODAY, with Amanda Sanders of New York Image Consultants, dissects the challenges ahead:

•Tuesday: A Los Angeles family court hearing is scheduled regarding custody of Spears' two sons with ex-husband Kevin Federline. Spears' lawyer has asked for a continuance in a custody hearing set for Sept. 17.

Expert says: "If the hearing can get postponed, it would be smart so that her personal troubles can get under the radar."

•Sunday: Spears is expected to perform two songs —Gimme More and Cry— at MTV's Video Music Awards in Las Vegas. Dancer Ruben Dario told heybritney.com that her performance will include a mirrorin which she will appear and disappear (which is why she was working with illusionist Criss Angel last month).

Expert says: "She can have a public image that says mom-and-pop icon and do it tastefully. In the past, she has used these performances to inject shock value, but she needs to avoid it this time. She's a little bit older, and she should looka little wiser."

Is Britney Spears engaged?

BRITNEY Spears shocked everyone at the weekend when she showed up to Las Vegas night club opening sporting a huge diamond rock on her left ring finger, the New York Post reports.

In an act sure to fuel the rumour mill, the fallen pop princess was later seen getting up close and personal with magician Criss Angel while in the VIP room at LAX club in the Luxor Hotel and Casino.

It wouldn't be Spears' first relationship shocker in Sin City.

She married here childhood sweetheart Jason Alexander there in 2004, only break up just hours later.

Spears was expected to perform at the event, especially with the hype surrounding her new single "Gimme Gimme".

However, she remained in the VIP section for the entire event before leaving, flanked by security guards, at 2am.

Britney is rich

The singer’s earnings have been revealed in court documents, linked to her battle with her ex-husband Kevin Federline over custody of their two children.

Resting pop princess Britney Spears still earns almost $750,000 (Rs 3.07 crore) each month despite not having released any album in two years.

The singer’s earnings have been revealed in court documents, linked to her battle with her ex-husband Kevin Federline over custody of their two children, Sean Preston, 23 months and Jayden James, 11 months.

The documents, obtained by a website, reveal Spears’ average monthly salary is $737,868 (Rs 3.02 crore ).

The documents, stemming from the couple’s August 27 hearing, also reveal Kevin is receiving $20,000 (Rs 8.19 lakh) a month in spousal support, however, that payment ends on November 15.

Pay my bills: K Fed

Kevin Federline’s lawyer wants Britney Spears to pay some of her ex-husband’s legal expenses in their divorce case, US court documents show. Lawyer Mark Vincent Kaplan said in an August 26 declaration that Federline has “no net income” after various expenses, and that his spousal support ends in November.

Federline’s lawyers are using revelations about Spears’ monthly income to claim that Spears “is clearly the ‘monied party’ in this case” and should pay $ 50,000 (Rs 20.49 lakh) for custody hearing expenses.

Spears’ new single released

Meanwhile, Britney Spears’ broke her long sabbatical with her new single Gimme More making its official debut on a New York radio station.

The track received a cautiously positive response from fans and media.

The song, which is being touted as an up-tempo dance track, appeared minutes before its release on celebrity gossip websites. The tune opens on a bold note with the Baby One More Time star proclaiming her return to the airwaves with a touch of profanity. Gimme More will feature on her fifth album, which is expected to be released later this year.

Spears’ last album, In the Zone, released in 2003, featured dance tracks such as Me Against the Music, a collaboration with Madonna.